Jaimie And Cancer

It Is Well With My Soul – Jaimie’s Last Article

As I’m headed back to the hospital for another extensive surgery with no true assurance of the outcome, I want to talk about healing. I know that there are so many of you praying that the Father will grant me healing. It is such a blessing to me and encourages me so much that people I don’t know are going before the throne of my Heavenly Father to pray for my healing. It overwhelms me to think about my brothers and sisters in Yeshua coming together for me. I am so grateful for all the words and emotions poured out for me. It is a beautiful thing and sweet fragrance before YHVH when we are able to love to our neighbor, even from far away.

Healing is not something that is easy to understand. I want to try to express my thoughts and feelings about it, but I don’t pretend in the least to understand how the Father works in this area. It’s a raw subject for people like me who are struggling with a chronic illness and even worse the pain and fear that goes along with it. It is also excruciatingly difficult for loved ones and friends who are watching. We all just want answers to that burning question that lingers. WHY?

Zac and I have had innumerable people give us their answer for cancer. Usually it is something that they read or heard and they are convinced because of the anecdotal story that this particular protocol, machine, or supplement will be my answer. Sometimes it comes from personal experience or the experience of a loved one, but the reality is the same. Something helped someone’s cancer and it will help me too. I know all of this information is given out of love and concern. In essence we are all grasping at straws here, just trying to be helpful to the one who is struggling. I used to think exactly like this. Over a year ago, I began to practice fasting and intermittent fasting for weight loss. I was so encouraged with the results that I was seeing and I began to study it more for health reasons. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I would have said: Cancer, no big deal, fasting takes care of that and I’m already really good at fasting. But if fasting kills cancer, why did I have a tumor actively growing in my mouth while fasting? I was diagnosed with cancer 6 months into my fasting journey. After the surgery to cut out the tumor and replace my chin, Zac and I hit the ground running. We used high doses of vitamin C IV twice a week. I spent time in a hyperbaric chamber. I NEVER ate sugar. I took all my supplements. I drank my green juice. I did the course of radiation suggested by my doctors. The list goes on. We tried everything possible that is supposedly deadly to cancer. Unknown to us at the time, a new tumor was continuing to grow on my tongue despite all these efforts.

All of these things involve the physical search for answers in the medical world, albeit mostly alternative medicine, but still in the medical realm. We have also received plenty of advice in the spiritual/emotional realm and I’m sure you have heard these things too. Make sure you are not harboring any unforgiveness in your heart. Declare to the world daily that you are cancer free and you will be. Believe it and it will happen. Never speak about the cancer as “your” cancer. Only refer to it as “the” cancer because by saying “my cancer” you are giving it permission to establish residence in your body. Live as if you are cancer free and it will happen. All of these ideas boil down to one thing, declare to the universe you are well and you will be. The trouble with all of these “answers” is that they don’t give the chronically ill patient any real hope. They place the entire blame for cancer squarely on the shoulders of the patient. They have taken all the supplements. They’ve done all the protocols. They pray positively, even verbally praying through Scripture. But the cancer comes back and consequently the only answer they are left with is: I caused this. I don’t have enough faith. It’s all my fault.

There is an idea in Torah circles that if we keep His commandments, we will never be sick. This largely comes from the blessings and curses chapter Deuteronomy 28, as well as other passages like Psalm 91. But the questions remain. What about Job? What about the man who was blind from birth in order to give glory to God? (John 9) As Zac is fond of saying, the Bible has no contradictions. We just have a lack of understanding. And I’m sorry to say that I can’t make sense out of this. All I know is that there are indeed people who have been in the past and are sick today, people who love and honor the Father with their lives and lips. But you would say, what about that unknown sin, that sin that hasn’t been repented of and of which the person is unaware. We are often told that things like that can block healing.

Two things come to mind. Firstly, I think everyone knows someone, or has heard a testimony of someone, being healed that doesn’t keep the Torah. They probably never even heard the word Torah. According to the idea above, all YHVH’s people should be well and the rest of the world should be sick. But that’s just not the case. Secondly, everyone, EVERYONE that came to Yeshua was healed. He didn’t ask them to examine every last sin in their lives and repent of even things they couldn’t remember. He didn’t tell them to go back to someone they had wronged and make it right before they were healed. He certainly didn’t say, well, you’re not a good candidate for healing because you’re never going to be able to let go of that thing in your life. NO!! Nothing of the sort. He simply healed them. He had compassion on them and healed them. Sometimes he told them that their faith had made them well and sometimes he just healed them. They all had one thing in common. They came to Him and asked, or friends/family brought them and asked. Consequently, for these reasons, we can’t say that someone is sick for not keeping every jot and tittle of the Torah. Neither can we say that someone is well because of keeping every jot and tittle of the Torah.

Have I made you even more confused? I hope so. Because it is my desire to STOP the why asking and answer searching. I know it feels productive to search for answers, like if we are actively doing something then we will gain some ground against this dreadful disease. But I have learned that the only true answer is: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Asking why is a fruitless question. I think we have to be okay with “I don’t know”. It’s easy to say that, but so much harder to do through pain and fear. It’s a discipline in the battlefield of the mind to “take every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5). But our Father knows that. He sees our struggles to understand and I believe that as we praise Him and honor Him through the pain and fear it becomes a true sacrifice to Him. It is a sacrifice of praise when we have to choose to let go of the questions and praise Him through them. It is a choice daily, hourly, and more to declare that even though my body is sick, “it is well, it is well with my soul” (my favorite hymn). And it really is well with my soul. I can confidently say that my faith is stronger today than it has ever been. I know He loves me with tender mercies that I see almost daily. He has shown me His love over and over as I have poured out my heart to Him.

It is my prayer for anyone reading this that you hold on to Him too. Don’t let your own why questions steal your communion with Him. Yeshua tells us that in this world we will have trouble, but He has overcome the world (John 16:33). No matter what, we run the race for Him (Hebrews 12:1) and it is our hope to be counted with the sheep as we hear Him say, “Well done my good and faithful servant. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world” (Matthew 25).


About Zachary Bauer

Zachary lives with his wife, two sons and his wife's parents on An American Homestead deep in the mountains of the American Ozarks. They all moved there together in July of 2013 where they began to build the homestead. They are off-grid with the exception of a phone line.

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  1. Zachary, Thanks for this website and your story. I can upon your site in time in need. My uncle in the hospital bleed from his kidneys. He is running test. We won’t find out the results for three days. One doctor said it attack his liver. They saying it cancer but doesn’t know where it is coming from. Your story has impact my life and I shared your story with my mom because that is her brother in the hospital.

  2. Lee and Kathy Jarrett

    Have followed Zach and Jamie since the first year off grid. Also, follow New2Torah. I always enjoyed Jamie’s videos on cooking, canning, etc. Will miss her!! Stay strong, Zach!

  3. Maggie Alvarez

    I wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers.
    About five years ago, I was recovering from a difficult phase of pregnancy, and pretty depressed. Watching your channel helped to pull me out of that funk and get back to being a wife and mom. Your wife’s sweet, humble spirit really shown through each video and was a great encouragement to me.
    I was very saddened and shaken to learn of her death. But once again, God’s grace worked through the sadness. I have found myself very reflective of my attitudes and priorities lately. Though she was “only” an encouraging mom on Youtube to me, I had come to think of her as a friend an example. The cold reality that we only have limited time here has been a shock I sorely needed.
    Much much love to your family.
    I do hope you will carry on with renewed vigor and continue to lean into Christ for your strength.

  4. I read about your cancer.
    There is a cure that the media is trying to ban. Look for Andreas Kalcker. A lot of people are now cancer free. This is also very effective about covid 19 and autism. Hurry up before they erase it.

  5. I’m so desperately sorry to hear about Jamie… I’m so sorry for your loss.

    I have been praying for her and Brad Scott who also has a tumor… And I must say I’m quite heart broken for your family.

    But what powerful last words to leave behind.

    What a legacy of grace and love for the King.

    You are all in my prayers and if you need anything, any prayer, financial aid, any research help, please let me know.

    The Father bless you and continue to keep you all

  6. Thank you for sharing this beautiful message. Although I’m not struggling with anything specific, I am struggling.
    Jamie’s letter spoke directly to my heart and has reawakened things I have slowly pushed aside over the years as I allowed the world to dictate my direction instead of keeping my eyes on the Father.
    In spite of the way the world is, I have hope because I know God is in control.
    Praise Him for Jamie and her message! I look forward to the day I can thank her in person.

  7. We never know how many lives will be touched through the struggle of one person. My heart breaks for this dear family and pray they will receive strength from the Father. I cannot imagine the pain they are going through. Their suffering may be the very thing that brings so many to their knees . The Lord works in mysterious ways. I love this family though we’ve never met. Loving others isn’t dependent on meeting them, but just sharing in their sorrow and loss.

  8. My beloved‘s cancer had metastasized and was very advanced before it was diagnosed. Despite the statistic that he likely had no more than three months to live (and very likely less), he was allowed to live 12 more years. Of course, I studied it. Some things help overall health and healing. Other things are sheer quackery and it doesn’t take much research to find out what quackery they’re based on. After years of so many loved ones promoting anecdotal quack cures, sometimes the same one they’d fallen for a few years previous. it was truly trying my patience. I was exhausted with his care and yet had to take time to te-research foolishness. If they really loved him they could have done a little research before yet again making him feel guilty for not curing himself. The popular pressure to try alternatives is so overdone that it poses actual harm to patients as they doubt proven treatments. I intend to refer to your wife’s words in the future. Thank you immensely for sharing.

  9. God Bless you and your boys. You both were an aspiration.

    • Look at Job again, he had to say sorry for saying ‘the Lord gives and ”takes away.” Everything good comes from God, everything bad comes from the devil.

  10. You were amazing thank you and God bless you
    Love from the North Carolina
    Donnie & Gina

  11. Thank you. And your sweet late wife. There are no other words i can formulate in my brain than, Thank you.

  12. The Scriptures Matthew 25:32.
    On the top you have a picture of your wife’s book, The Scriptures. She has this verse underlined. It struck me as I just happened on this site today, enjoyed the information. I then was caught up in this families story and was reading Jaimie’s article. It was heartfelt and beautiful. Matthew 25:32-40 jumped off the page. It’s a reminder how short life can be, and for my own life how to not take anything for granted. But show unconditional love to all. Thank you for sharing your story.

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